A couple weeks back Mars Hill Church in Seattle was in a message series on 1 Peter and did two weeks on Peter’s teaching on the biblical call to wives and the next week husbands. I saw on Twitter all the buzz this sermon was making and had been look for some new resources on marriage (guys, we all need to look for ways to be better husbands and dads for that matter).
First off the scripture:
1 Peter 3:7 “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
Now I want to share this with you not only as a resource for yourself and your marriage or future marriage (though not marring isn’t a bad thing) but also as a resource to pass along to your friends who may also need to hear this. But it comes with a few warnings. This massage isn’t for the faint of heart. Not only does he touch on verbal and physical abuse in marriage but he yells a lot and it escalates through to the end of it where he gets really angry.
These notes are from the Mars Hill Church Blog:
Your father: Adam (Genesis 1–3)
-Marriage is a covenant (Prov. 2:16; Mal. 2:14).
-Men are the covenant head, responsible for their wife and family (Genesis 2:18; 5:2; 1 Cor. 11:2–16, 14:33–34; Eph. 5:21–33; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:3–5; 1 Pet. 3:1).
-Adam and Eve both sinned, both are at fault, and both are cursed, but God held Adam responsible (Gen. 3:9).
-Marriage is cursed (Gen. 3:16). Work is cursed (Gen. 3:17–19). Jesus is the only hope (Gen. 3:15).
Your Manhood
Like Adam, the sins of men fall into two general categories: sins of comission (doing what you’re not supposed to do) and sins of omission (not doing what you’re supposed to do). This leads chauvinistic or cowardly tendencies:
Chauvinism
-No Sissy Stuff Sam: whatever women do, do the opposite
-Success and Status Stewart: masculinity = material success
-Give’em Hell Hank: angry and abusive
-I’m the Boss Bob: domineering and controlling; in authority, not under authority
Cowardice
-Little Boy Larry: never grew up, disorganized, lives with his mother, etc.
-Sturdy Oak Owen: absolutely dependable but emotionally absent
-Hyper-Spiritual Henry: Hides behind religious behavior and “God talk.” Talks at you but not to you.
-Good Time Gary: irresponsible life of the party
Your Savior: Jesus Christ (the Last Adam, 1 Cor. 15:45)
Ephesians 5:25 calls men to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. Men are not ready to be good husbands until they are a part of the Church and understand how Christ loves the Church by taking responsibility for her and sacrificing himself for her.
The essence of true masculinity is taking responsibility.
Your Wife
Understand that a wife’s fears (1 Pet. 3:6) are legitimate; men dominate the lives of women and children, for good or for evil. Honor your wife:
-Honor her maritally. Take a wife honorably. Establish right priorities, and be a one woman man–absolutely faithful to your wife.
-Honor her physically. Be strong for your wife, not against her. Be protective of her and present with her.
-Honor her emotionally. Be emotionally present and intimate. Take her on dates.
-Honor her verbally. Speak honorably to her. Speak honorably of her, when she is present and absent.
-Honor her financially. Provide for the financial needs of your family, organize your budget, and be generous towards your wife.
-Honor her practically. Consider her needs and how you can serve her.
-Honor her parentally. Be “Pastor Dad” by shepherding your children (praying with them, teaching them about Jesus, reading the Bible with them, etc.).
-Honor her spiritually. You initiate and lead prayer, Bible, chats, church attendance, etc. Take responsibility for your church.
What happens when you fail to honor your wife? God ignores you (1 Pet. 3:7). Repent.
Further Study:
Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by Wayne Grudem and John Piper
God, Marriage, and the Family by Andreas Kostenberger
New Men, Soft Patriarchs: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands by W. Bradford Wilcox
//end of MHC notes
I really appreciated this message and apologized to God and my wife for areas where I have not been the husband I am called to be.
You can download the message here.
I have been really convicted lately that we as church leaders are not (and our thoughts on our blogs don’t count) providing enough resources for those under our care. Not that we need to over load them but we need to be recommending books, articles, podcast and blog posts.
What do you think?
